Sunday, July 28, 2013

The Definition of Love

The Definition of Love

You can stop taking quizzes in Cosmo. Here’s what love really is.

Love is still wanting to hold someone after you climax. After the initial euphoria from the orgasm wears off, you’re replaced with a sense of calm rather than a panic. You don’t want to search for your clothes, scramble to find your keys and figure out the best way to tell them, “See ya later forever!” You’re fine with chilling out in bed with the person and maybe ordering pad thai later.

Love is unattractive. It can expose our worst traits: Jealousy, irrational fears, heated anger; the gang’s all here! While it can bring out compassion and tenderness, it can also make you behave like the ugliest version of yourself. That can be okay for a little while, but love with real longevity should be like a xanax rather than an adderall.

Love is not afraid to be schmaltzy. There’s a reason why the most popular love songs are so lyrically simple. You can drown it in metaphors all you want but love usually boils down to, “You make me so happy. I want to hold your hand. I just want u 2 be mine 4ever!” You can be a 50-year-old linguistics professor at Columbia University and still find something to relate to in a Mariah Carey ballad if you’re in love because the feelings are so universal. It’s humbling, isn’t it? No matter who you are or what your background is, love can reduce you to Mariah Carey mush.

Love is an all-consuming drug. It gives us these natural highs we’ve only read about in books or heard in songs. It’s addictive. It’s what keeps us going to bars, drinking glasses of wine, going to that stupid house party in Bushwick; it’s all for the possibility of finding love. In the wrong hands, love can be dangerous and scary. If someone lacks a healthy foundation, love can kill. All of these crimes you read about in the newspapers are usually linked to passionate love. “I did it because I loved them just…too much.”

Love is not what our parents had. In high school, you never wanted to think about your mother and father having once slept with people in the backseat of cars and feeling warm and happy. That would make it feel less special and young. It would make love have less to do with you when, EXCUSE ME, it has EVERYTHING to do with you.

Love is getting drunk with your significant other at a party and taking a cab home with your bodies intertwined. You feel safest in these moments, the most secure. Entering a social gathering with someone who loves you is the biggest security blanket. People leave the party as a parade of droopy expressions and sad cocktail dresses. But not you. “Sorry guys, I’m in love! I’m taking a car!”

Love is fucking stupid. Love is fucking smart. Love is about betraying yourself, of compromising your ideals for someone else’s approval. That’s actually the bad kind of love, but I guess it all blurs together when you’re young or when you’re old or when you don’t love yourself.

Love is your significant other telling you about their favorite album and then making a point to fall in love with it on your own. Love is wondering why your better half loves certain things. You think you can find remnants of them in their favorite films, books and songs, but you usually can’t.

Love is finding yourself feeling protective over someone else’s well-being Love is being incensed with rage when someone or something has done your lover wrong.

Love is wanting your partner to cum. And if they can’t, just say, “That’s okay. I’m enjoying this.” It might be bullshit, but they’ll be orgasming in the next five minutes. Trust me.

Love isn’t always marriage. Marriage is spending $60,000 so everyone can know that someone loves you. You know what’s certainly not love? Debt. In some cases, love can be divorce.

Love is a back massage, a mindfuck, a hard cock, a pair of perfect breasts, of feeling unashamed about the cellulite on your body. Love is someone giving a shit about you enough to argue. Love is not passive. Love is “Don’t fucking touch me right now.” Love is “Who the FUCK were you talking to?” Love is sometimes hating yourself for a second. Love is hate. Period. Indifference is the real killer of love and the true antithesis.

When love leaves you, you should be lying on your bathroom floor with no resolve. You’re smoking cigarettes in the bathtub and crying about everything bad that’s ever happened.

Love is someone seeing the beauty in you and wanting to bask in it every day all day. Love is not guaranteed. We are not owed love. That’s why when we get it, we know how lucky we are and hold on to it for dear life.

So, yeah. That’s what love is. Anyone know where to get some?

The Definition of Love

The Definition of Love

You can stop taking quizzes in Cosmo. Here’s what love really is.

Love is still wanting to hold someone after you climax. After the initial euphoria from the orgasm wears off, you’re replaced with a sense of calm rather than a panic. You don’t want to search for your clothes, scramble to find your keys and figure out the best way to tell them, “See ya later forever!” You’re fine with chilling out in bed with the person and maybe ordering pad thai later.

Love is unattractive. It can expose our worst traits: Jealousy, irrational fears, heated anger; the gang’s all here! While it can bring out compassion and tenderness, it can also make you behave like the ugliest version of yourself. That can be okay for a little while, but love with real longevity should be like a xanax rather than an adderall.

Love is not afraid to be schmaltzy. There’s a reason why the most popular love songs are so lyrically simple. You can drown it in metaphors all you want but love usually boils down to, “You make me so happy. I want to hold your hand. I just want u 2 be mine 4ever!” You can be a 50-year-old linguistics professor at Columbia University and still find something to relate to in a Mariah Carey ballad if you’re in love because the feelings are so universal. It’s humbling, isn’t it? No matter who you are or what your background is, love can reduce you to Mariah Carey mush.

Love is an all-consuming drug. It gives us these natural highs we’ve only read about in books or heard in songs. It’s addictive. It’s what keeps us going to bars, drinking glasses of wine, going to that stupid house party in Bushwick; it’s all for the possibility of finding love. In the wrong hands, love can be dangerous and scary. If someone lacks a healthy foundation, love can kill. All of these crimes you read about in the newspapers are usually linked to passionate love. “I did it because I loved them just…too much.”

Love is not what our parents had. In high school, you never wanted to think about your mother and father having once slept with people in the backseat of cars and feeling warm and happy. That would make it feel less special and young. It would make love have less to do with you when, EXCUSE ME, it has EVERYTHING to do with you.

Love is getting drunk with your significant other at a party and taking a cab home with your bodies intertwined. You feel safest in these moments, the most secure. Entering a social gathering with someone who loves you is the biggest security blanket. People leave the party as a parade of droopy expressions and sad cocktail dresses. But not you. “Sorry guys, I’m in love! I’m taking a car!”

Love is fucking stupid. Love is fucking smart. Love is about betraying yourself, of compromising your ideals for someone else’s approval. That’s actually the bad kind of love, but I guess it all blurs together when you’re young or when you’re old or when you don’t love yourself.

Love is your significant other telling you about their favorite album and then making a point to fall in love with it on your own. Love is wondering why your better half loves certain things. You think you can find remnants of them in their favorite films, books and songs, but you usually can’t.

Love is finding yourself feeling protective over someone else’s well-being Love is being incensed with rage when someone or something has done your lover wrong.

Love is wanting your partner to cum. And if they can’t, just say, “That’s okay. I’m enjoying this.” It might be bullshit, but they’ll be orgasming in the next five minutes. Trust me.

Love isn’t always marriage. Marriage is spending $60,000 so everyone can know that someone loves you. You know what’s certainly not love? Debt. In some cases, love can be divorce.

Love is a back massage, a mindfuck, a hard cock, a pair of perfect breasts, of feeling unashamed about the cellulite on your body. Love is someone giving a shit about you enough to argue. Love is not passive. Love is “Don’t fucking touch me right now.” Love is “Who the FUCK were you talking to?” Love is sometimes hating yourself for a second. Love is hate. Period. Indifference is the real killer of love and the true antithesis.

When love leaves you, you should be lying on your bathroom floor with no resolve. You’re smoking cigarettes in the bathtub and crying about everything bad that’s ever happened.

Love is someone seeing the beauty in you and wanting to bask in it every day all day. Love is not guaranteed. We are not owed love. That’s why when we get it, we know how lucky we are and hold on to it for dear life.

So, yeah. That’s what love is. Anyone know where to get some?

Sunday, July 21, 2013

Secrets to make money on fanbox with your photos

Secrets to make money on fanbox with your photos



Strategy:

Your ability to earn from photos very much depends on:

1. the quality of your photos

2. how often you publish

3. how many good friends and fans you have – that will value your photos

what you should do is :

Get more fans and friends but don't spam : communicate with them and create good relation.

Commenting and Liking:When you comment on a photo, or click “Like”, the photo is then distributed to your own friends and fans – and the photo makes even more money for the publisher . you comment and like as much as possible but only what you like. don't comment what isn't necessary.

Helping out friends : When a friend or fan that you care about, publishes their photos, should you help them out and Like it (or comment on it) to help them out?

You can do that! But remember:

When you do that, it will be distributed to YOUR friends and fans. If they find that photo to be low value to them, guess who they will remove as their friend or fan…. YOU!

So I were you, I would always THINK before distributing my own, or other people’s photos, to my friends and fans – because each time I do, I risk losing friends or fans who might find that photo to be low value.

Sharing mobile photos - take photos with the new Fanbox mobile App

Become Power user :your earnings from photos will go up 10, 20 or even as much as 100 times.


that isn't hard but you spend a lot of time in first period that you join fanbox.
http://www.fanbox.com/PremiumBlogs/ViewBlogs.aspx?u=c9a36c76bd984ced876868a65d17490b


GOOD LUCK ! HAVE A GOOD DAY.THANKS FOR READING.

Secrets to make money on fanbox with your photos

Secrets to make money on fanbox with your photos



Strategy:

Your ability to earn from photos very much depends on:

1. the quality of your photos

2. how often you publish

3. how many good friends and fans you have – that will value your photos

what you should do is :

Get more fans and friends but don't spam : communicate with them and create good relation.

Commenting and Liking:When you comment on a photo, or click “Like”, the photo is then distributed to your own friends and fans – and the photo makes even more money for the publisher . you comment and like as much as possible but only what you like. don't comment what isn't necessary.

Helping out friends : When a friend or fan that you care about, publishes their photos, should you help them out and Like it (or comment on it) to help them out?

You can do that! But remember:

When you do that, it will be distributed to YOUR friends and fans. If they find that photo to be low value to them, guess who they will remove as their friend or fan…. YOU!

So I were you, I would always THINK before distributing my own, or other people’s photos, to my friends and fans – because each time I do, I risk losing friends or fans who might find that photo to be low value.

Sharing mobile photos - take photos with the new Fanbox mobile App

Become Power user :your earnings from photos will go up 10, 20 or even as much as 100 times.


that isn't hard but you spend a lot of time in first period that you join fanbox.
http://www.fanbox.com/PremiumBlogs/ViewBlogs.aspx?u=c9a36c76bd984ced876868a65d17490b


GOOD LUCK ! HAVE A GOOD DAY.THANKS FOR READING.

Five Benefits of Waking Up Early

Five Benefits of Waking Up Early

 

   Is it Better to Be a Morning-Bird or a Night Owl?
    The early bird catches the worm, so the expression goes. But is there really any truth behind this? According to recent studies, there are actual recognizable benefits to waking up early.
Benefits of Waking Up Early
   1. Becoming an early riser will make you more successful.
        It is plain and simple. A 2008 study out of Texas University concluded that those students identifying themselves as morning people earned a full point higher on their GPAs than those who identified themselves as night owls. Who knew waking up early could be the difference between a 4.0 and a 3.0?
   2. Studies have shown that morning people are actually happier than night owls.
        We are not just referring to being happier for those 15 minutes in the morning, but rather they arehappier with life overall. Night owl tendencies tend to fade as people age, and the study says this switch to a morning-focused schedule could be why older adults are happier than younger ones. The study involved two populations: the first was made up of 435 adults ages 17 to 38, and the second of 297 older adults, ages 59 to 79. Both groups answered questions about their emotional state, how healthy they feel and their preferred “time of day.”
“We found that older adults reported greater positive emotion than younger adults, and older adults were more likely to be morning-type people than younger adults,” Biss said. “The ‘morningness’ was associated with greater happiness emotions in both age groups.”
   3. Morning people are often in better shape than night owls.
        The reasoning behind this is simple. Waking up early allows people extra time to exercise before the family is awake or before their official work day begins. For this reason, many successful businesspeople wake up early. This morning exercise helps to boost mood and provides energy for the rest of the day.
   4. Many say that waking up early leads to increased productivity.
        Morning people have time in the morning to do work before everyone else is awake to distract them. Whether this is sending some emails from home or going into work early for an hour of quiet, uninterrupted time to focus. A recent study by Christopher Randler, a biology professor at the University of Education at Heidelberg, surveyed 367 university students, asking them when they were the most energetic and willing to change a situation. According to the study:
“It was the morning people who were more likely to agree with statements such as “I feel in charge of making things happen” and “I spend time identifying long-range goals for myself.”
   5. Various studies have linked waking up early to possessing healthy character traits.
        Morning people are more likely to exhibit traits like optimism, satisfaction and conscientiousness. Night owls, those linked with creativity and intelligence, are more likely to exhibit traits such as depression, pessimism and neurotic behavior. So if you tend to stay up late and want to live a better life, should you start waking up early?
        If you are already productive and happy, stick to what you know. Mornings aren’t for everybody. But if you are looking for a way to improve the way you live, consider waking up earlier. You never know, it could make a huge difference.
                                               Five Benefits of Waking Up Early                         
   the truth
Early risers are more likely to be successfulhealthy and happy compared to their night-owl friends. If you want a boost in productivity, health or well being, try waking up early; it may give you the extra edge you need to reach your goals.

Five Benefits of Waking Up Early

Five Benefits of Waking Up Early

 

   Is it Better to Be a Morning-Bird or a Night Owl?
    The early bird catches the worm, so the expression goes. But is there really any truth behind this? According to recent studies, there are actual recognizable benefits to waking up early.
Benefits of Waking Up Early
   1. Becoming an early riser will make you more successful.
        It is plain and simple. A 2008 study out of Texas University concluded that those students identifying themselves as morning people earned a full point higher on their GPAs than those who identified themselves as night owls. Who knew waking up early could be the difference between a 4.0 and a 3.0?
   2. Studies have shown that morning people are actually happier than night owls.
        We are not just referring to being happier for those 15 minutes in the morning, but rather they arehappier with life overall. Night owl tendencies tend to fade as people age, and the study says this switch to a morning-focused schedule could be why older adults are happier than younger ones. The study involved two populations: the first was made up of 435 adults ages 17 to 38, and the second of 297 older adults, ages 59 to 79. Both groups answered questions about their emotional state, how healthy they feel and their preferred “time of day.”
“We found that older adults reported greater positive emotion than younger adults, and older adults were more likely to be morning-type people than younger adults,” Biss said. “The ‘morningness’ was associated with greater happiness emotions in both age groups.”
   3. Morning people are often in better shape than night owls.
        The reasoning behind this is simple. Waking up early allows people extra time to exercise before the family is awake or before their official work day begins. For this reason, many successful businesspeople wake up early. This morning exercise helps to boost mood and provides energy for the rest of the day.
   4. Many say that waking up early leads to increased productivity.
        Morning people have time in the morning to do work before everyone else is awake to distract them. Whether this is sending some emails from home or going into work early for an hour of quiet, uninterrupted time to focus. A recent study by Christopher Randler, a biology professor at the University of Education at Heidelberg, surveyed 367 university students, asking them when they were the most energetic and willing to change a situation. According to the study:
“It was the morning people who were more likely to agree with statements such as “I feel in charge of making things happen” and “I spend time identifying long-range goals for myself.”
   5. Various studies have linked waking up early to possessing healthy character traits.
        Morning people are more likely to exhibit traits like optimism, satisfaction and conscientiousness. Night owls, those linked with creativity and intelligence, are more likely to exhibit traits such as depression, pessimism and neurotic behavior. So if you tend to stay up late and want to live a better life, should you start waking up early?
        If you are already productive and happy, stick to what you know. Mornings aren’t for everybody. But if you are looking for a way to improve the way you live, consider waking up earlier. You never know, it could make a huge difference.
                                               Five Benefits of Waking Up Early                         
   the truth
Early risers are more likely to be successfulhealthy and happy compared to their night-owl friends. If you want a boost in productivity, health or well being, try waking up early; it may give you the extra edge you need to reach your goals.

Saturday, July 20, 2013

Making a Difference Today



We are all gifted with a unique set of skills and abilities. With those abilities we can make extra-ordinary things happen in the world around us, or not.

 
It is completely up to you whether you want your life to make a difference and what difference you want your life to make.


Many people set lofty goals for their lives and want to be remembered as visionaries, they want to change and save the world.

 
Others want to be remembered as the kind man or women down the street who always helped and always listened if you needed help.

 
Who do you think is the better person?

 
The one who changes the world or the one who saves the individual?

 
Do what not have to do incredible things; just being there for the people around you can save someone from a meaningless life and help them lead the life they were meant to live.

 
Small things matter

 
Changing the life of another person is an incredible feeling and it is completely within your grasp. You can do this by deciding to become a mentor for a young ambitious person. You can help them avoid the mistakes you have made and help them learn from the ones they will inevitably make themselves.

Fight for someone's rights

You will often see someone get treated unfairly. It happens both professionally and socially, individuals who deserve recognition do not get it.

By taking up the fight and making sure others get what they deserve and earned you will be a true hero. You will make a lasting impact on their lives and you will be rewarded with love and help in the future when you are in need.

The law of karma says that whatever you do you will get back three fold, helping others is therefore a selfish act, but still a good act, one that you should do without fear, with love and with the knowledge that you will one day be rewarded.

Go the distance

Compromise is the enemy of long term commitment, if you have committed to helping someone by being their mentor or by fighting for their rights, doesn't stop half way. Go the distance and see it through. Make sure something happens so all your work doesn't end up as only talk.

Conclusion

In truth we might all be here to help each other, we might all be a part of a machine that fosters cooperation, or were not. We might just be here to make the best of the situation for ourselves.

In any case, helping others brings happiness and prosperity into your own life, so for whatever reason you chose to help others, it will always help you in return.

The difference between stopping half way and finishing isn't much in terms of the work you put in, but worlds apart in the difference for the individual you are helping.

Making a Difference Today



We are all gifted with a unique set of skills and abilities. With those abilities we can make extra-ordinary things happen in the world around us, or not.

 
It is completely up to you whether you want your life to make a difference and what difference you want your life to make.


Many people set lofty goals for their lives and want to be remembered as visionaries, they want to change and save the world.

 
Others want to be remembered as the kind man or women down the street who always helped and always listened if you needed help.

 
Who do you think is the better person?

 
The one who changes the world or the one who saves the individual?

 
Do what not have to do incredible things; just being there for the people around you can save someone from a meaningless life and help them lead the life they were meant to live.

 
Small things matter

 
Changing the life of another person is an incredible feeling and it is completely within your grasp. You can do this by deciding to become a mentor for a young ambitious person. You can help them avoid the mistakes you have made and help them learn from the ones they will inevitably make themselves.

Fight for someone's rights

You will often see someone get treated unfairly. It happens both professionally and socially, individuals who deserve recognition do not get it.

By taking up the fight and making sure others get what they deserve and earned you will be a true hero. You will make a lasting impact on their lives and you will be rewarded with love and help in the future when you are in need.

The law of karma says that whatever you do you will get back three fold, helping others is therefore a selfish act, but still a good act, one that you should do without fear, with love and with the knowledge that you will one day be rewarded.

Go the distance

Compromise is the enemy of long term commitment, if you have committed to helping someone by being their mentor or by fighting for their rights, doesn't stop half way. Go the distance and see it through. Make sure something happens so all your work doesn't end up as only talk.

Conclusion

In truth we might all be here to help each other, we might all be a part of a machine that fosters cooperation, or were not. We might just be here to make the best of the situation for ourselves.

In any case, helping others brings happiness and prosperity into your own life, so for whatever reason you chose to help others, it will always help you in return.

The difference between stopping half way and finishing isn't much in terms of the work you put in, but worlds apart in the difference for the individual you are helping.

Wednesday, July 17, 2013

WAYS TO FUCK WITH YOUR CHARACTERS


As storyteller, you are god. And to be frank, you’re not a particularly nice god — at least, not if you want your story to resonate with readers. A good storyteller is a crass and callous deity who treats the characters under his watchful eye like a series of troubled butt-puppets. From this essential conflict — storyteller versus character — a story is born. (After all, that’s what a plot truly is: a character who strives to get above all the shit the storyteller dumps on his fool head.)
Put differently, as a storyteller it’s your job to be a dick.
It’s your job to fuck endlessly with the characters twisting beneath your thumb.
And here’s 25 ways for you to do just that.

1. YOUR PROXY: THE ANTAGONIST

Gods have avatars, mortal or semi-mortal beings that exist on earth to embody the deity’s agenda. Avatars — be it Krishna, Jesus, or the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man — are the quite literal hand of god within the material plane. And so it is that the antagonist is the avatar of the storyteller, at least in terms of fucking with the other characters. A well-written and fully-realized antagonist is your proxy in the storyworld who steps in and is the hand holding the garden trowel that continues to get shoved up the protagonist’s most indelicate orifice. The antagonist stands actively in the way of the protagonist’s deeds and desires.

2. THE MIGHTIEST BURDEN

The audience and the character must know the stakes on the table — “If you don’t win this poker game, your grandmother will lose her beloved pet orangutan, Orange Julius.” But as the storyteller, you can constantly adjust those stakes, turning up the heat, the fumes, the volume until the character’s carrying an Atlas-like burden on his shoulders. The world’s fate suddenly rests in his hands. Character fails at his task and he loses his wife, his family, and all the nuclear missiles in the world will suddenly launch. In unrelated news: Orange Julius is the best name for an orangutan ever. Go ahead. Prove me wrong. Show your work.

3. NEVER TELL ME THE ODDS

Impossible odds are a powerful way to fuck with a character. “It’s you versus that whole army of sentient spam-bots, dude. And they’ve got your girlfriend.” It certifies that the task at hand is an epic one, and is the dividing line between hero and zero. Confirming heroism means beating those odds. Confirming mortality means falling to them. Note that a character doesn’t always have to beat the odds. Failure is an option.

4. TORN BETWEEN TWO HORSES

Drop the character smack dab between two diametrically opposed choices. A character is torn between a love for her country and a love for her family. She’s torn between her obsessive devotion to science and her religious upbringing. She’s torn between saving the life of Orange Julius the genetically-modified super-orangutan or giving all the world’s children infinite ice cream. Okay, maybe not that last one. Point is, tie your character to two (or more!) difficult choices, and let those horses run like motherfuckers.

5. LIFE ON THE QT, THE DOWN-LOW, THE NO-NO-NUH-UH

Give the character an untenable secret life: a forbidden romance, a taboo, a transgression. Confirm that the revelation of this secret life will destroy her. “As soon as they find out you’re really an android, Mary, I can no longer protect you.” The character must constantly protect her secret life, must constantly work against revelation. And you as storyteller will constantly threaten that, won’t you? Because you’re evil.

6. DENY SUCCESS WITH SPEEDBUMPS, ROADBLOCKS, SNARLING TIGERS

This one? So easy. Whenever your character reaches for That Thing He Wants (a girl, a cookie, world peace, a leprechaun’s little hat), slap his face. Throw a tiger in his path. Chop off his hand. Thwart his every grope for the brass ring. That said, don’t let your story become torture porn. A character needs smaller iterative successes to match the longer, larger failures. “I didn’t get the leprechaun’s hat, but I got one of his little shoes. We can use it to track him.”

7. GO DOWN THE “DO NOT WANT” CHECKLIST

You frequently hear that a character is defined in part by what he wants, but you will find it useful to take the opposite tack, too. Take your character. Dangle that poor fucker by the ears. Give him a good look-over and pick, mmm, say, five things he does not want. Outcomes he fears. He doesn’t want his wife to leave him. He doesn’t want to die young. He doesn’t want to have his penis stolen by wizards. Now, your job, as Evil Mastermind Storyteller is to constantly put the character in danger of these outcomes coming true.

8. A VICTORY THAT TASTES OF WORMWOOD

An old classic: “We finally got the leprechaun’s hat! Ha ha, now we’ve the little basta — OH MY GOD THE HAT IS FILLED WITH BEES.” Die Hard has exquisite false victories. John McClane succeeds in calling the authorities and ultimately ends up causing a bigger shitstorm as a result.

9. STORYTELLER AS ROBBER FLY

Everybody has something they love. Identify those things. Then take one away. Or more than one! “Sorry, dear character, in the fire you lost your house, your husband, and your mysticalmanrikigusari given to you by your immortal sensei.” You have a choice, here, of paths, a divergence of “lost now” and “lost forever.” Lost now intimates the story can continue, and in fact, the reclamation of lost things is a story unto itself. Lost forever moves the conflict inward, where a character must learn to deal with that loss.

10. TICKLE THEM WITH A TICKING CLOCK

If you ever wish to squeeze my heart and cause my blood pressure to build so that my brain is smothered by swollen arteries, give me a ticking clock time limit in a video game. Freaks me out. Do that to your character. Throw him, his goals, his story, between the turning gears of a ticking clock. “You have one week to save Orange Julius from the leprechaun cult. After that? He becomes one of them.”

11. BEAT THE DONKEY PISS OUT OF THEM

Again we call upon John McClane, who ends up basically sticking a gun to his back in his own blood at the end of Die Hard. A simple way of dicking with your character is to hurt them. Again. And again.

12. SHOT THROUGH THE HEART, AND YOU’RE TO BLAME

That being said, a broken jaw, shattered foot, or stapled labia has nothing on the betrayal by a loved one. Maybe it comes down to a simple, “I’m leaving you in this, the moment you need me most,” or maybe it’s, “For your own good, I’ve alerted the police. They’re on their way. I’m so sorry. Now hand me the orangutan.” However it shakes out, the treachery of a loved one is a deeply twisting knife.

13. SHATTERING LIVES WITH YOUR STORY HAMMER

Think about all the pieces of the puzzle that add up to a picture of “you.” Now, do the same for your character. Imagine all those identifiers: lover, father, friend, sheriff, amateur chef, jazz fiend, leprechaun hunter. Now, break the puzzle apart. Throw away most of the pieces. Calamity and cataclysm rob the character of his fundamental identifiers. Force him to question who he even is anymore. What impels him forward? How does he rebuild? What is rebuilt?

14. SHATTER THEIR PRECONCEIVED NOTIONS

A deeper, more internal version of the last: take what the character thinks she knows — maybe about her family, her government, her childhood — and throw that paradigm out on its buttbone. The character’s comprehension of events and elements has been all wrong. And not in a good way. The character must respond. Must act. Can’t just go on living like everything’s the same.

15. MOTHERFUCKING LOVE TRIANGLE

The love triangle. Never a more hackneyed, overwrought device — but, just the same, a device that works like a charm if invoked with skill and nuance. Becky loves Rodrigo and has since they were young. But Orange Julius vies for her attention and Rodrigo is off fighting the Spam-Bots in the Twitter War of 2015. And Orange Julius is one sexy orangutan. Who does she choose? Swoon! You needn’t stop at three participants. What about a love rhombus, aka the “lovetangle?” Point is, this is a more specific version of forcing the character into a difficult choice. Do it right and the audience will be right there with you, wearing their shirts, TEAM RODRIGO or TEAM SEXY ORANGUTAN. Gang wars in the streets.

16. THE SCORPION STING OF DECEPTION

Lies form slippery ground, and by forcing the character to lie — or hear and believe another’s lies — you put that character on treacherous ground. We know their lies run the risk of exposure, and we know that a lie is rarely alone — they’re like cockroaches, you hear one, you know a whole wall full of them waits behind the paint. Further, if forced to believe another’s lies, the character begins to make decisions based on bad info.

17. JUST A SIMPLE MISUNDERSTANDING

Speaking of bad info, the “misunderstanding” has been the backbone of the American sitcom for decades, and it’s a trick you can use. “You said Blorp but I thought you said Glurp and now Zorg is coming to dinner! Oh noes! Hilarious awkward calamity ensues!” Note here the power of dramatic irony, which is when the audience knows the score but the character fails to possess such critical information. We know that the character is going to accidentally give her grandmother a set of small-to-large butt-plugs (for proper teaching of sphincter-stretching) when really she thinks it’s a collection of Sandra Bullock DVDs. Ha ha ha! Oh, a funny thing happened on the way to the dildo shop! Comedy gold.

18. WHEN TWO GOALS MEET IN THE RYE WITH SWORDS DRAWN

Put a character at cross-purposes. Two goals cannot easily be achieved together. The character is supposed to have a date night with his wife and save the world from the leprechaun terrorists? Egads! But how?

19. DEAR CHARACTER, YOU HAVE MADE A TERRIBLE DECISION

The audience feels sympathy and shame for character mistakes because our mind-wires are crossed. We see a character fuck up and some little part of our brain makes us feel like it’s usfucking up — we associate so closely with characters, we unknowingly get all up in their guts and self-identify. So, characters who make mistakes — or even better, willfully choose a bad path — can make your audience squirm in their seats.

20. LOVE AT THE END OF A KNIFE

Putting loved ones in danger is a powerful way to fuck with your characters. “Sorry, Bob — the Latvians have Betty, and if my intel is right, they’ve got a pit full of ravenous honey badgers to convince her to talk.” And of course, saving that loved one is never easy. Danger lurks. Hard choices await. And even after rescue, can Betty ever again trust that her life with Bob won’t be fraught with honey badger peril?

21. A GRIM GAME OF “I NEVER”

A character says, “I never want to become my mother,” but then lo and behold… begins exhibiting the traits of her mother. A cop says, “I’ll never let the job get to me,” and, drum roll please, the job starts getting to him. Everybody has negative identifiers — roles they never want to fill, but roles that have a terrible gravity, a grim inevitability to them. That’s a great way to torque a character’s emotions.

22. POKE THE CHARACTER’S WEAKNESS WITH A POINTY STICK

We’ve all got pits and pockmarks in our souls, and characters in fiction doubly so. Flaws and frailties ahoy, and it’s your job as storyteller to exploit those weaknesses. A character might have addictions, anger management problems, a physical debilitation, a soft spot for leprechauns — whatever it is, it’s your job to draw the poison to the surface and let it complicate the story. Because you’re a dick. A super-dick, even.

23. AND AT NIGHT, THE ICE WEASELS COME

The environment can be a great antagonist. Sub-zero temperatures! Dangerous mountain pass! Wasp tornado! The setting can come alive to bring great misery to good characters.

24. ROOSTING CHICKENS WITH RAZOR BEAKS

I don’t know why chickens “coming home to roost” is a metaphor for the past returning to haunt a character. I mean, chickens are about as non-threatening as they come. What about owls? Or falcons? Hell, forget birds. The saying should be, “Wait till those ninjas come home to roost.”But I digress. Point is, a character may be running from his past. Just as he thinks he’s escaped it, the past catches up with him — a crazy ex-girlfriend, an ex-partner looking for a last big score, a rogue Terminator. Though, I guess in the case of a Terminator, that’s more the futurecatching up with you. Whatever. Shut up. Don’t judge me.

25. OPPORTUNISTIC HATE CRIMES AGAINST BELOVED CHARACTERS

In the end what it comes down to is a willingness by you, the storyteller, to throw your characters under countless speeding buses. You may, like a parent with a child, want to be the character’s friend — you like the character, you want them to succeed, and that’s all well and good. But story is born of conflict and conflict is born of characters in trouble. That’s not to say you need to cause them ceaseless miseries — again, we’re not looking for torture porn. But you have to be willing to put the irons to their feet – a character’s success is only keenly felt and roundly celebrated when first he had to go through hell to get there.

YOUR TURN

How do you like to use and abuse your poor characters? When does such torment go too far?
HTML Comment Box is loading comments...

Affiliate Program ”Get Money from your Website”